Pride and Prejudice! part 1

Today is November 21, 2014...22 days from my 50th birthday on December 12th.    Happy Friday!    Ok, I will pick up my story from two days ago (remember, I am going deeper!).  Motivational guru and business leader John Kanary asked me the question,   "You have a pinned down excellence... what happened to you?"  As I raced back in my mind I had a series of recollections and the revelation that it happened in third grade.  It was multi-class Spelling Bee.  One by one, as words were missed, they eliminated kids and sent them down to their seats.  About 30 minutes or so into the contest, there were only 9 or 10 of us left standing...and the words got harder.    With each round 1 or 2 kids would slap their heads...and head to their seats.  At the end, there were three of us remaining.  I can't say I remember the word that won, but as the two other people missed it...I confidently spelled it and the teacher gave me a blue ribbon.  I remember the overwhelming feeling of pride and accomplishment. Later that day, my teacher told me that they wanted me to compete against the 6th graders who were having a real competition to send someone to the county to represent the school and that the words I spelled were on that level.  I was nervous, but also excited to get to show what I had learned playing dictionary word games with my father. As we got to the door where the contest was about to begin, all I remember is the organizer of the contest came out and closed the door behind him, blocking us from entering.  He and my teacher were talking in whispers.  After they finished, she took my hand and we headed back to class...I never got the chance to spell one word.   I went from the mountain top of pride to the valley of disappointment in less than an hour, and it was about to get worse... That night, my parents sat me down before dinner.  They were never the type to hide anything so they tried to explain it to me. "It was because of the color of your skin.  It makes you different. You are gifted but not everyone will appreciate that gift or allow you to show it.  Don't worry about that.  You can't control what people will think.  Just work hard, listen, be respectful and always be humble...even when you are better than others."  That's a lot for a kid, even a precocious one, to process. I remember we had spaghetti, my favorite, but I didn't eat that night.  Prejudice.   "Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts." E. B. White     Face it, we all have suffered at the hands of those who are prejudiced against us...and we all have prejudices (you knew that, right?).  Some are subtle and some are blatant.  That is why those that can "hide" the things that bring prejudice do so.  Others, such as the color of your skin, nationality and gender are impossible to escape.    (For 30 seconds, put partisan political prejudices aside...I know you can do it!), If I asked you to name a great president many of you would say John F. Kennedy.  Did you know he faced a major uphill climb because he was Catholic?  Some of you would say Ronald W. Reagan.  As a actor he was "prejudged" as not having the right stuff to be a leader of the free world.  Today actors cross over frequently...can you say (or spell) Arnold Schwarzenegger or Jessie Ventura (ok, that was a stretch!)? Those things seem strange and inconsequential now...we have gotten past that kind of stuff...right? I offer for your consideration that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has had laparoscopic surgery to help him loose weight.  Many say in preparation for running for president in 2016.  I read an article that said the country proved it was ready for a Black president, poised to elect a female president, but was not ready for a fat one. Ouch!  The truth stings. If I have opened wounds, don't worry...I will suture the wounds with the healing powers of optimism, idealism and the indomitable power of the human spirit...on Monday...promise... Pride and Prejudice.   Until then, I wish you Money, Power, Success!

Snowflakes, Fingerprints & Eyeballs! part 2

Today is November 20, 2014...23 days from my 50th birthday on December 12th.      "You are unique, and if that is not fulfilled, then something has been lost." Martha Graham     Before I finish the rest of that story, let me introduce you to a couple of people.   That's me.  Second row on the left.  I loved school.  The learning, recess...yes, school lunches - even mystery meat Fridays!   As I look at this kid and reintroduce myself to him, I can see he is precocious, intelligent, sensitive, outgoing and a natural leader in the classroom and on the playground.  A casual glance may only show a super cute kid, but when I go deeper...I see it.   The perspective of time and experience makes me see this kid in a whole new light.  He is the seed of me.  He is the shadow of what I am today.  I can see him, but I can't touch him...but I know he is there.  He is me...and I am he.   Memories are the way I get connected to him.  Time has dulled some of that, but with deep introspection...I make the connection.   I know that every good and bad decision, every joyful and painful moment, every idea and word, and every success and failure is tied to this kid.  Getting to know him informs why I do what I do.  Staying in touch with him reminds me why I am the way that I am.   I like this kid and he likes me, and it feels good.   The second person I want to introduce you to?  Look in the mirror.  Better yet, grab that photo album that always makes you cringe and laugh and pull out your first grade picture.    What would you tell me about that kid?  What characteristics, attributes and qualities would best describe that kid?   Most importantly, do you love what that kid has become?    Yes, tough question but it has everything to do with self-image.  That kid is your "self" - your true self.  Are you made in his image or did you veer off the path of the true you to meet some distorted version of you that you felt would get a better life reception?  One thing that I can tell you without knowing you...you are unique.  People deviate from their true selves when they go for uniformity rather than individuality...and the uniform does not fit!     "The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique." Walt Disney   You are an individual that has never been here before and the likes of you will never come this way again.  Matters not that 108 Billion people have come and most of them gone.  They were one of a kind...and so are you!   Yes, you may be an "identical" twin.  Still separate and distinct.  Think you have a Doppelganger.  Not even close.   Sure, I used to get paid to imitate Michael Jackson.  Cheap imitation.   What I can tell you is that no one can imitate me...or you.  A true priceless original and the mold was broken when you were born.  That kid in the picture...he is my mold.  He is my design.  This kid holds the key to me - my past, my present and my future.  So does yours.   If you have veered away from the kid in you that brings joy, passion and purpose to life, get reacquainted.  They are still in there and can provide a path back to a positive self-image and wholeness.    Give thanks that the kid in you has never given up on you.  Give thanks for them and that they are as special and as unique as   Snowflakes, fingerprints...and Eyeballs!   Until tomorrow...

24 to 50: Snowflakes, Fingerprints & Eyeballs! part 1

 

Today is November 19, 2014...24 days from my 50th birthday on December 12th.        "...There is a single experience, one defining moment, when confidence replaces the self-doubt that most of us wrestle with." Charley Pride     Each one of us has a defining moment.  The one we could point back to and say, "that is where it happened...that is where my life turned...my character forged...my destiny was revealed."   If life were a movie, that moment would be depicted as a major triumph, or a major defeat.  It would be encapsulated in a nice and neat 5 minute vignette that would bring us to our feet clapping, or make us cry the deep tears of empathy at the hero's calamity, defeat or suffrage of injustice.   Those movies always pull me in (my top 10 list coming soon!).  I have always been a champion of justice, fairness and giving everyone an equal opportunity for success.  As a business leader, I have fought for meritocracy and beat down cronyism.  You have to be willing to fight, but if you are...I will fight with you for a righteous cause.   I always wondered where that came from.  We seldom look backward or inward to see how we came to be the way we are.  I felt like I knew the events, situations and circumstances that built my ideals and my character, but just over 3 years ago, I had an awakening.   Warning! I am about to take you deeper into my life... a place where few have gone.   Not because I want you to think I am such a great person (still human!) but to let you see from the inside how character is developed and where it comes from. Not so you recognize it in me, but so you recognize it, reveal it in unleash it in you!   I have a quote (my own!) that I use in every training class,   "Smart skims the surface, but genius goes deep!"   In this instance, I will say that if I only share the "easy" things that is superficial and only goes flesh deep, but this level of sincerity, vulnerability and authenticity cuts right to the bone.   I believe it will help some of you.   Over 3 years ago, I had the great fortune of speaking in Canada for an Investors Group branch.  My first book, "Crumbs from the Master's Table" had serendipitously found it's way into the hands of Tony Miele and through a few conversations, he invited me to speak.  Tony is a open, energetic, fantastic person, and a dynamo in his business...passionate and purpose-driven.   Me, Tony Miele and John Kanary   He invited me to dinner to meet John Canary, who is a pioneer of motivational, success and business training. Because I was just committing my life to a similar path, I deemed it and honor and great opportunity.  We shared backgrounds, ideas, and laughs...but then it turned serious.   John said to me "You have a pinned down excellence...what happened to you?"   I was not quite sure what he meant, so I gave the standard quizzical look. He was not going to back down.  Like me, he understood that this may be his only chance to directly impact a life and he was not going to squander it with superficiality.   "Something in your past is robbing you of the ability and God-given right to self-promote the awesome gift you have been given.  Until you reconcile what that is, you will be limited.  Limited by doubt...which is a manifestation of your self-image".     He looked me in squarely in the eye with a sincerity that brings out the truth and doesn't let you off the hook...   "Again...what happened to you?"   In the next 10 minutes, we began to systematically roll back the clock of my life.  Like Benjamin Button, I was no longer a 46 year old talking to two men...I had become an 6-7 year old standing in front of my third grade class...    During a Spelling Bee.   Until tomorrow...

All I Really Needed to Know!

25 to 50: All I Really Needed to Know! Today is November 18, 2014...25 days from my 50th birthday on December 12th.      Tiger Woods On Merv Griffin Show   "All I really need to know... I learned in kindergarten." Robert Fulghum   This 30 second video shows a 2-year old Tiger Woods (yes, that was already his nickname!) on Merv Griffin with Bob Hope in tow.  When you watch it and juxtapose it with the next 30 years, you are left with no doubt...   "Success leaves clues."  Brad Thor      If only we all had a video tape of our childhood to review.  It would reveal our greatest inherent and natural gifts.  It would reveal our first nature.  Not the second nature gifts we developed to make a living, or fulfill the desires of others...but it would reveal the essence of who we are.   In his classic title "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" Robert Fulghum outlines, in a series of essays, enduring lessons that would point us all to a simpler set of credos for life.    For most of us, our childhood was a time when joy was pure, all games were played in earnest with our best effort and we were true to ourselves.  We laughed with reckless abandon at the silliest things and cried with no shame regardless of who was watching.  That freedom of emotional expression birthed passion.  For those of us where passion was nurtured, it turned into purpose.    For others, the practicality of life turns our true purpose on its head.  We adapt to what the system says and somewhere along the line, many of us lose that zeal for life.  We are not pursuing purpose but enduring prison terms...life with first possibility of parole at 65 (retirement).   Brandon, you are being an idealist - it is too late to go back and relive a distant past. Yes, I am an optimist and idealist.  At 25 days from 50, I am not ashamed to say so either!  Do you think it too late to change or redirect your life?   It's never too late!  Here are three simple steps to getting back to where you belong;   #1 - Review Yesterday - From your childhood to yesterday, there are clues to who you are and what you were designed and destined to be.  Your best talents and the things you love (and hate) are working to direct your soul and spirit - if you listen.  Yes to review...no to regret.  You can't change yesterday but it can impact and inform your today and tomorrow.   #2 - Assess Today - Do you feel on track or off-track?  Are you pursuing life with a focus and determination that will help you cut through the clutter of ordinary and mediocre or are you just going through the motions?  Look hard at where and who you are today.  Be honest.  Deep down, you know if you have gone astray from the real you.   #3 - Project Tomorrow - Dare to dream the dreams of your youth.  Doesn't it feel energizing (if only for a moment) to allow your imagination to show you a possible future?  And it is possible.  Like the seed that remains in the packet for years, your dream still has the potential to blossom.  Get that child-like zeal and energy back!  If you are still able to dream, you are still more than able to do!   So find some pictures of yourself as a child.  Look intently and deeply.  Everything you are today is wrapped up in that precious seed of your youth.  Everything you are supposed to be is wrapped up in that seed.  Everything you want to be is in there...look again...trust me, its there!    Look at these pictures.  To those of you that know me personally to those that only know me through my writings...my essence is in these pictures.  The writer, the speaker, the optimist, the idealist, the thinker, the strategist, the father, the husband, the reader, the runner, the golfer...   Everything I am is in there.  I can see it clearly and I am determined to be all that my seed was designed and destined to be.   Go back to kindergarten because...   All I Really Need to Know...   25 to 50!   Until tomorrow, I wish you Money, Power, Success!

26 to 50: 1 In A 108 Billion!

 

Happy Monday!   Today is November 17, 2014...26 days from my 50th birthday on December 12th.         "There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein        One of my top 10 music artists, Prince, opens in "Let's Go Crazy" from the classic 80's movie, Purple Rain;   "We are gathered here today to get through this thing called...   Life.   Electric word...   Life."   Life is electric.  It is dynamic. Let me put our life into some empirical perspectives:   The Population Reference Bureau says that since the beginning of time that approximately 107,000,000,000 people have been born.    The World Population Clock says there are 7,274,723,819 people alive on earth right now (it changes every second...literally!).  This is powerful, interesting stuff...feel free to click!  According to the same population clock (at the second I looked at it!), 98,000 worldwide miracles just took their first breath...and 40,000 took their last.   You and I are a miracle.   Life is a miracle.  The process is amazing, especially when viewed under the microscope of what goes in under the influence of Johnny Mathis and candlelight...and what comes out 9 months later!   One committed and focused sperm (yes, this is still a 'G" rated blog!) swam through poisonous environments, fought past billions of competititors and in a final gasp of life hits it's target...shutting the door to any other possibilities.   We are the result of a war...a battle...a fight to the death...and the victory?    Life.   Life is a miracle and a blessing.  It is the result of a strong, fast, enduring seed hitting fertile ground.    Ahh, that is a metaphor for so many things as we take our next breath.  A breath that provides the energy to pursue our dreams or push through our current trials.  Realize that your life and that breath are a miracle, a process not to be taken lightly...or for granted.    A process that requires focus, strength, tenacity and single-minded purpose.  In the Law of Sowing and Reaping, only good seed hitting good ground has any real chance to grow and return a harvest.  Let's look at our lives and the "seed" we plant and the "ground" we put them in.   Only your real dreams will survive.  All the casual wishes will die in poisonous environments or killed by competitors who are more focused and determined than you.  What are your most precious dream seeds?  Only those have a real chance to survive.   Only your most developed qualities will endure.  You can feign character and integrity only for a season.  Test, trials and temptations work to develop your character, but they will also reveal them.  I have a saying,   "You never know a person's character until you throw hot grits on them."   The singer, Al Green, went from singing R & B to singing Gospel after hot grits were thrown on him when his wife caught him cheating!   What character traits are a reflection of the real you?  Only those inherent, developed qualities can be sustained...faking it robs you of precious energy.  Your best chance for success and happiness is to be authentic.   You are a miracle that can produce other miracles.  Sometimes our words are seeds that hit the good ground of people who need encouragement, advice or counsel that leads them to pursue their dreams or come through a trial.   Sometimes our deeds are seeds that help people in need.  It might be a gift card of thanks, or a charitable gift that provides a welfare mother with a dress and a haircut for her first interview for a job that could change their life.   Sometimes our seed produces offspring.  A miracle union of two people coming together to do the miraculous....creating another human being.  That's what Alfred and Sara Clay did and on December 12, 1964 a child was born...   Meet Brandon L Clay...the miracle.

For a moment, think of what it took to get you here.  Think of the process of Sowing and Reaping.  The eternal progression of Seed...Time...Harvest.    Employ this process to everything in your life.  If you want to see the Harvest...Plant the Seed.  Don't hold it...plant it.   The odds may be against you, but the odds aren't what's important...plant that seed even if the odds are   1 in 107,000,000,000!   26 to 50!   Until tomorrow, I wish you Money, Power, Success!