29 to 50: When A Man Loves A Woman!

 

Happy Friday!   Today is November 14, 2014...29 days from my 50th birthday on December 12th.    Today, I want to take a look back at my beginnings...my heritage.  I am not Alex Haley and this is not Roots, so I won't be going that far back (my wife is the Ancestry.com expert!). As you reflect on your life while I reflect on mine, let's only go back to where were can have the most vivid memories...   Our parents.   I understand that it can be complicated.  We come from a kaleidoscope of situations, but it doesn't matter if you came from an environment of devotion, divorce or desertion.  What really matters is that   We Are Here.    Your parents hold a major piece of the "who you are" puzzle.  Yes, your parents provided the genes that impact your eye color, but they also passed on important information about who you are, which is vital to your purpose.   Meet my parents...Alfred and Sara Clay.

Sara Clay Alfred Clay

Kind of puts you in the mind of the movie Carmen Jones, huh?  Dorothy Dandridge (she would have loved to see that in print!) and Harry Belafonte (with a dash of Barney Fife thrown in for that nerdly handsome effect!).   He says love at first sight...she would tell you that she judged the book by the cover...but fell in love anyway!   My family life was simple - my father loved my mother and my mother loved my father.  Mind you, they weren't Cliff and Claire Huxtable.  Amen you say?  I am guessing yours may not have been Ward and June Cleaver, or Ozzie and Harriet Nelson (whose are?), but they are our parents, nonetheless.  Yes, my family was simple, and while simple doesn't mean easy, I can tell you one thing... I was blessed with good parents. My mother was a dynamic, outgoing person that did spot on impersonations, had lots of friends and always seemed to be joyful regardless of the circumstance...from the simple cooking of a fabulous Sunday meal to when she found out she had cancer.  She was consistent and a voice you could rely on for an encouraging word.    From an early age she taught me how to fight, how to never meet a stranger and how empathy and compassion are not weaknesses but divine strengths.   My father is a college educated, professorial type who has played piano at church since he was 14 (he is a strong 77 today!).  He was not the type to go outside and toss a football, but he would sit with you for hours playing word games. He would ask thought provoking questions and make us write papers for our punishment (my momma was the switch bearing disciplinarian!).   My father modeled for me how to provide for the family even when things are tough, how to protect the woman you love and how to persevere and love one woman for a lifetime.   There were good times and tough ones.  Looking back through grown up eyes, I am not sure how we made it.  I now understand that it was fortitude, commitment and sticking in through thick and thin...hell...and high water.   They were extraordinary people.  Something only time, and experiences revealed to me.    If you are fortuneate enough to have living parents, call them, hug them, thank them.  I know, I know.  If you have to, put aside the little and big things that divide you.  Tomorrow is not promised.   If you look real hard, they are inside of you.  Nature and Nurture notwithstanding, you are here today because two people got together...and that is enough reason to give thanks!   29 to 50!   Until tomorrow, I wish you Money, Power, Success!

30 to 50!

Today is November 13, 2014...30 days from my 50th birthday on December 12th.    No, I am not fishing for birthday presents or fanfare...I get uncomfortable with too much attention (go figure!).    It does make me take time to pause and reflect on the time I have spent here on earth...and the many years I expect to remain!   So, if you please, no black balloons or "over the hill" remarks and I promise not to say that "50 is the new 40" or that "age is only a number".   I am much more introspective than that.    I want to take the next 30 days of crumbs to review life...my life.  Narcissistic?  No.  Am I that extraordinary and special?  Yes!   So are you.   As I take a look at the last 50 years; the people who shaped me, the events that changed me, and battles that molded me, I want you to see your life through the lens of my life.    Something tells me we have much more in common than sales.  Something that is common to all of us...time, trials, triumphs and tears.   Over the next 30 days, I want to take you on a journey of self-discovery.  I want you to reflect on where you have been and what you have done.  I want to help you investigate who you are, what you are here to do and how you will make your impact on the world.   I want to help you celebrate the victories behind you and press toward the mark of new breakthroughs that are in front of you.  I want to help you forgive yourself for past mistakes, remove present doubts and fears and move from the comfort zone into the "no limit zone".    Let's play a good ole-fashioned game of "Truth or Dare"...face the truth about yourself and dare to be who you were designed and destined to be.   For some of you, this will be a rescue mission to pull you out of captivity of negative and limiting thoughts.  For others, it will be an exploration into uncharted territory as you reach the edge of your comfort zone.  For others, it will be a re-engineering and re-boot of your life.  For others...a wake up call.   For me...cathartic. Trying to help you master your life makes me honestly review mine.  No shame and no ego...for this to work, I have to be "raw and real" daring to tell truths only a few people know...    One things seems to be true about 50...you care less about what people think!    A lot can happen in 30 days.  No promises.  It will take both our commitments to retrospection and introspection.  I am ready.   Are you?   Not a countdown, but throw down!  Get ready to throw down everything that holds you down as we have...   30 to 50!  I have never asked for you to promote me or this daily blog, but for the next 30 days, forward this link (using the "Forward to a Friend" link below) to send this to anyone who is stuck, searching, or needing a word of encouragement.  I promise not to sell them anything...except the power of themselves.  Thank you!    Until tomorrow, I wish you Money, Power, Success!

Word Associations - The 3 C's of Knowledge!

The other day I was shopping for an printer in a national retail store and a sales person walked up to me and asked,   "How may I assist you?"   Yes, my immediate inclination was to tell him that I was just looking.  I also had to put my phone away since I was on Amazon looking at reviews and pricing of the model I was interested in (they hate that!).   Since I was truly interested and going to buy in the next day or two, I asked,   "What can you tell me about his printer?"   He stood back a moment and put his finger on his chin as if pondering.  He then reached down to grab the little "cheat sheet" product guide and proceeded to read it off to me...verbatim.  After he finished reading he looked at me and said politely and sincerely, "Do you have any more questions?"   I resisted the urge to say anything that I might regret and told him, "No...I think I have what I need to make a decision".  I decided to leave as I could get the knowledge I needed to make my decision from my smartphone....in private!  "Information is not knowledge."  Albert Einstein    A few days later, I was in the same store (hey, I had a $25 off coupon!) and was standing in front of the same printer.  Another associate came up to me and asked, "How may I assist?"   I wasn't falling for that twice.  "I want to buy this printer," I said trying to get it and go with as little interaction as possible.   He then said, "Great choice, but have you reviewed this model?"    He walked me down to the end-cap where there was another similar printer from another company.  He proceeded to ask me questions about usage and software that I might use.  He demonstrated specific features that would be useful and how I could expand it later.  He ran down the costs of printing between the one I wanted and the one he was showing me...it was 50% less for consumables.   "We just marked this one down $50 and I can give you an additional $15 off plus your $25 coupon.  Would you still like the other one... or this one?"   Duh!  Between his knowledge and the discount, the choice was easy.  I found out at the counter that the first person who helped me was the assistant manager and that the knowledgeable person had just gotten out of training.    I had to think of the people that I was seeing every day and the volume of information that is being thrown at them. Like the new associate, to be effective in sales we have to translate information into knowledge...because     Knowledge Captivates, Conveys and Converts!    Until tomorrow, I wish you Money, Power, Success!

Word Associations - Excellence Separates & Elevates!

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.  Aristotle    I talk a lot about excellence.  I believe it to be the single greatest thing that has helped me be successful.  When we were growing up, whether it be an Easter speech (remember those?), a school play, or a homework assignment, we were admonished to be excellent.  My father in law, LeRoy has had this mantra for decades -     "Excellence is the only standard". I agree. Be clear, I am not talking about perfection or judging yourself against others.  I am talking about being excellent on your level - doing all that you can do with what you have to work with.  As you continue refining yourself and honing your craft your levels of excellence will increase. What does excellence do? First it separates.  Face it, most people are trying to do just enough to get by...the path of least resistance.  In the last 3 weeks, I have entered more than a dozen homes where the people already had an agent. In a spirit of ethics I told them I did not want to come between them and the other agent, but since I was there I would review their situation and answer any questions - that alone separates me from others.  I was thorough and reviewed every element of the best fit solutions...detached from whether there would be a relationship formed or not.    Excellence should not be exhibited just because there is something to gain.  The first quality of excellence is that it only seeks exposure and expression...regardless of the circumstances. Your client and your product are out of your control, but you are in full control of you! "There are no traffic jams along the extra mile."  Zig Ziglar    In each one of these scenarios they told me I had done a better job of explaining the products and wanted me to be their advisor.  Do I feel bad?.  I feel bad that that the other agents didn't exhibit excellence...they didn't return phone calls or reach out...that they didn't explain programs in detail...that they "assumed" they could have a client for life with no service. That would not have been hard and that was all they had to do. The second thing Excellence does is Elevate.  Getting better at what you do will always help you rise to the next level.  Want to get promoted?  Want to get more clients and referrals?  Want to be known in your community and industry? Be Excellent.   As with any skill under development, it will take will power to control contrary thoughts (thus actions) but over time you will go from "second nature to first nature".  Then you are at a state of "being".   That is the key to excellence - not to try, not to force, but simply, "to be!".   "You can start right where you stand and apply the habit of going the extra mile by rendering more service and better service than you are now being paid for."  Napoleon Hill Excellence Separates & Elevates!    Until tomorrow, I wish you Money, Power, Success!

Rapport Reveals...Empathy Heals! part 2

 

"Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place." Daniel H. Pink       Happy Monday! We left off talking about the power of Relating and that it is the potent combination of Building Rapport and Demonstrating Empathy.  Most of us understand how to build rapport.  We converse, we make observations, we ask questions...all to reveal what we have in common with our prospects. Rapport says, "You and I are connected through commonality". Empathy is harder to establish than rapport, but is much more powerful. It reaches past affinities and touches the part of the human experience that removes fear, doubt, embarrassment and vulnerabilities. Empathy says, "I not only understand...I feel."  "A prerequisite to empathy is simply paying attention to the person in pain." Daniel Goleman     A week ago, I was on a home visit with a couple whose native language was French.  They were doing a pretty good job with English (as I would have done a horrible job with French!), but it was hard to understand them, let alone connect with them.   Rapport was not on the agenda.  Simply getting an understanding about their situation was priority #1.  I had even contemplated calling the translator line so that I did not make a mistake on such an important matter as their healthcare or seeing if there was another agent that could make the call.   The wife gave me a stack of physician business cards to review against her plan options - at least I could read!  One doctor was an oncologist.  That trumped all the other doctors in the stack.  I asked her how long she had been seeing that doctor.   "I just started.  I have had 3 treatments."   The strength and peace in her voice reminded me of my mother when her treatments began.  As I put on my reading glasses (yes, I said reading glasses), I found myself fighting back tears.    I lost that fight.     "I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it." Maya Angelou     I quickly got myself together as she handed me a tissue.  I told them that it would take some research, review and physician outreach for me to be able to help them make the right decision.  She then said the words that anyone in a real position to help another person needs to hear.   "We trust you"   I never said why I shed a tear and they didn't ask.  Empathy doesn't always need discussion but it has tremendous healing properties.  That is why we tell people (sometimes strangers) what we are going through.  It is not because, "misery loves company" but because there is a powerful transfer of positive energy when people connect on an emotional level.   Building Rapport is a purposeful, pragmatic and objective discovery of where our lives intersect.    Empathy is a seemingly random and subjective discovery of where our lives connect.     No, not every sale requires this level of empathy (or any) and I don't suggest crying to get a sale...that wont play well in a boardroom of executives!  But whether you are at the kitchen table or conference table, I do believe the sales mantra applies;   "They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Theodore Roosevelt Rapport Reveals...Empathy Heals!    Until tomorrow, I wish you Money, Power, Success!